Just because

Dear Stone,
My sweet little blue eyed man with rosy red cheeks and a button nose.
Those big rosy cheeks of yours kill me and there's not much I love more then snuggling up to them and holding you close.
Skin to skin you and me.
Cheek to cheek.
I don't rock you back and forth like I did with your brother.
You and me, we sway.
The other day you wanted nothing but me. You just wanted to be held, and so I held you for a good hour and together we swayed around your room and I sang to you.
You've never been a cuddlier, even as a baby, so I knew you must of needed mama time.
I held you close and you clung to me, and I sang to you.
Twinkle twinkle and Amazing grace.
You laid your head on my shoulder and gently, slowly, you nodded off to sleep.
…..And my heart was so full for the rest of the day.
I love holding you and rocking you and am so proud I get to be your mom.
Don't you ever forget that my sweet boy.
You are mine and I am yours. Forever and ever.

Hugs and kisses.

Mama

A philly cheesesteak

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Dear little man,
We're 37 weeks today, you and me.
I had my first craving a few days ago.
The I-can't-live-without-it-even-though-I-really-could-there's-no-way-in-heck-I-want-to kind.
I started thinking of a Philly cheesesteak mid afternoon and by 8 at night I had to have one.
It wasn't live or die, but it felt pretty close.
I got a 10 incher, totally unashamed at the larger then it should be size, and ate the entire blissful thing.
It was pretty close to heaven and it took everything in me not to drive back down to San Jose the next day and get another one for lunch.

Last night you were acting kinda funny.
I'm pretty sure you were scooting a bit lower because for about 3 hours in the middle of the night we sat up you and I as you squirmed.
I ate poptarts and you slowly inched your way down. Your kicks went from being up around my ribs to about belly button high.
I'm super hoping that means you'll be making your appearance sooner then later.
I feel like I'm running against the clock trying to get everything done, and at the same time I can't wait to meet you.

Finn has been practicing with your soon to be buddy Broderick and doing such a good job.
He's going to be such a good big brother.
We got cribs and hung more photos and rearranged you and your brothers room in the last week.
I can't wait to show you it.
I love you sweet boy.
Hugs and kisses.

Mama

9 months!

Oh baby boy,
We're at 9 months, or 36 weeks.
Today we got you and your brother cribs and mattresses.
My hospital bag is by the bed, and your carseat is installed.
We're practically all ready to meet you.
Keep growing healthy and strong.
I can't wait to meet you and kiss your little cheeks.
4 weeks and counting.
I love you bunches.

Mama

33 weeks and counting

Dear baby,
Today you're the size of a pineapple and almost 5 lbs. We have 6 weeks and 3 days left until your due date, although truth be told I don't think you'll be waiting that long to make your appearance. They say you take after your mom with your first, and Mimi had me almost a month early. Mama is always late to everything, so if you are early, I'm letting you know ahead of time, you got that from your daddy.

It's getting harder to sleep at night since you like to dance from midnight-two am most nights. But that's okay. We have private little dance parties all to ourselves while your papa and Finley are busy sleeping.
Who needs sleep? Mama's got some killer new under eye cream in preparation for the sleepless nights we're going to share oh so soon.

I love you bunches and can't wait to kiss your sweet cheeks.

Hugs and love.

Mama.

8 months

Oh baby baby.
 You're getting so big and mama can't believe how fast time is going by!
 In two months I will be holding you.
 Crazy.
 I love you bunches little man.
 xo

30 weeks

Dear Baby,
I can't believe how fast this time is going by with you.
Before we even know it you'll be here and we'll go from being a family of three to a family of four.
I got Finley a baby doll this week so he can practice holding and feeding it like he'll soon be helping me do with you.
He can't wait to hold you.
"Hold baby brudder." he said after meeting Broderick
"Yes Finn," I told him "You can hold your baby brother."
And he beamed.
We think we have your name figured out,
and I'm more then a little excited about it.
Daddy talks to you at night and you kick and squirm like you know it's him.
We all are looking so forward to meeting little you.
Stay cozy and warm a bit while longer.
Love and belly pats sweet little man.

Mama

 

29 weeks

Dear baby boy,
You're the size of a cabbage and almost 3 lbs.
We can see you physically moving and kicking and hiccuping.
11 at night is your most favorite time to show off your new tricks.
Finn is enamored with you as always,
and we talk about your arrival daily.
Daddy and I have three names we're choosing between but we're almost sure we know what you will be called.
I love you always.

Mama

7 months

and oh do I feel it. 

You're getting so big and strong, 

and oh how you like to kick me. 

Sleeping at night it starting to be a fight between us, 

whether or not I can be fully asleep before you begin your fully awake time. 

2-4 in the morning seems to be when you think daylight is. 

I have a feeling I need to save up as much sleep as I can now before you make your appearance.

We have about 12 weeks left like this you and me. 

12 weeks. 

Makes me so scared and excited all in one. 

I can't wait to see your little nose in person.

I can't wait to introduce you to your amazing big brother Finley.  

I can't wait for your daddy to hold you,

and truth be told, I can't wait to be able to bend over again. 

But I can wait, and we will. 

Mama's doing everything in her power to listen to her body

and make sure you stay in here until your full term. 

I love you so much little man and we're so excited to meet you. 

Hugs and love. 

Mama

26 weeks

Dear baby boy, 

I made your daddy stop on our trip to Christmas so I could take belly pictures here. 

Isn't it lovely? 

I tried to include your big brother, but he was so excited to be out of the car 

that all he did was run. 

Everyone was so excited to find out about you, 

and you performed brilliantly, kicking and flipping for anyone 

who wanted to feel you move. 

I have a feeling you're a bit of a show off.  

You're as big as a cucumber now and over 2 lbs.  

 I read on my pregnancy app that if your daddy was to listen closely he could

hear your heartbeat through my tummy, so obviously,we tried it this week. 

So far your Dad hasn't been able to, but 

Aunt April, Aunt Lyndsie, Aunt Anna and Aunt Emma all swear they 

can. 

My night sickness is back and we're living off cereal again, you and me. 

But it's okay. 

I've recently discovered brown sugar mini wheats and it's like a whole new world. 

14 weeks little man. 

 I love you to the moon and back. 

Mama

25 weeks

Dear Baby boy, 

You've got so much more active this week.

I actually have bruises on my belly from where you've kicked me extra hard.

I know that totally sounds like an old wives tale, but I have pictures to prove it.

They don't hurt so bad, but even if they did I would still love you more then my heart can say,

bruises and all. 

We went to the doctors this week and he said you're growing perfectly beautiful.

You're two pounds now, and stronger then ever. 

It must be all the frosted mini wheats and leftover Christmas cookies I keep eating, making you all healthy and strong. 

Finley has started singing Twinkle Twinkle to you at night and you kick and squirm like you recognize his voice. Which, I'm pretty sure you do. 

He's so excited to meet you.

Friday we drive to Mimi and Jaja's for two days and then Poppop and Nana Grandma's for Christmas.

Which means by Sunday the whole family will know about you.

I can't wait the secret is out and the whole world knows about little you. 

It's been fun keeping you a surprise, but I can't hardly stand it anymore.

I love you to the moon and back little man.

Hugs and kisses and belly pats.

Mama

You have a spot

Dear Baby,

You have a little spot all your own now. It's a small little spot, but your crib is there, and a few little stuffed animals and a blanket all your own. I can't wait until cuddly little you is here and snoozing away in your crib. Finn can't wait either and talks about you everyday.
"Baby brudder mama?"
"Baby brother, Finley."
"Mama baby in your belly?!" Halfway a question, halfway telling me as if I hadn't noticed.
"No Finley, it's a basketball." I said today patting my stomach.
"No mama," he said laughing  "it's my baby brudder."
Then he comes running over and kisses my belly, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Hello baby, I love you." He says.

Over halfway there. 15 weeks, give or take.
Less then four months. Oh. My. Goodness.
I can't wait to kiss your little cheeks.
I love you to the moon and back little man.

xo

Mama

21 weeks

21 weeks. 

You're as big as a spaghetti squash in length and you weigh about 1 pound. 

Uncle Tyler, Aunt Sarah, Cousin Charlee and Uncle Josh all came in for Thanksgiving this week and learned about you. 

None of them believed me. 

Like, at all. 

Unless I poke out my belly it still kinda looks like I'm just carrying around a bit of extra weight.

I've started getting sick again at night which is no fun for either of us. 

You're moving and kicking and punching on a regular basis

and you like to ride really low. 

All I want to drink is ice cold water and all I eat is grapefruit 

...and donuts. 

I never liked donuts before, but oh man are they good now. 

Especially vegan ones.

We're still working on a name for you. 

I have a list on the fridge with ideas that I change out every few days.

Me and Daddy can't even agree on one.

 Although truth be told, even if we do agree on one, if it doesn't fit you when we see your sweet face, we'll be having to think of something else anyhow. 

I could never name a Charlie William.

It just wouldn't do. 

All that to say,  I love you sweet boy. 

Hugs and kisses. 

Mama

You're a.....

Dear Baby,

On November 15th Daddy, Finley and I got up super early in the morning while the world was still covered in fog and cool and headed to Walnut Creek for the 20 week ultra sound. That's the one where they check how you're growing and moving and make sure everything looks good. I was so nervous the whole ride over. I just wanted to be told you were healthy. Nothing else mattered. 

It was so early that we didn't even get Finn dressed, we just left him in his alligator slippers and PJs. "Brother or sister?" We asked him on the drive to Matt and Stephanie's, and each time he would pull his finger out of his mouth, and say "a brother and a sister." with a little giggle. 

Me and your daddy both were pretty certain you were a girl, but we didn't care either way. In fact I had told daddy if they told me you were a boy I would probably tell them to check again because I was so certain you weren't... 

And then we were back in the room, and staring at 45 minutes of you moving and bouncing and punching on the screen. You suck your finger like your big brother  and you use my bladder as a pillow the tech said. I already knew that, but it was nice to know I wasn't imagining that you were bouncing up and down on it.  We had the hardest of times getting you to move your head enough for them to get a shot of your brain...

...but, in the end, you are healthy. All 12 ounces, and 100% boy of you. 

And that my sweet wee one is all that matters. Finley is so exited to be having a baby brother, and I must admit, afterwards I was so happy to know I could still say "my boys." There's just something about saying that that makes me ever so extremely happy. 

 I love you to the moon and back my wee little man. 

 Mama

Week 17

Dear little baby, 

It's crazy how fast you are growing. 

You're the size of a turnip and 5 ounces in weight. 

I'm pretty positive I felt you moving around a few times this week. 

It seems you like hot showers 

and mama eating sour candies because 

you jump all about any time I do either. 

So I promise to give neither up anytime soon. ;) 

I love you bunches sweet little. 

Mama

Week 16

I love you my little avacado. 

xo

Week 15

You're 4.5 inches and you can suck your thumb now. 

I know it's a terrible habit, but mama rather hopes you do. 

I love squishy little babies sucking on their little fingers. 

Plus, fingers are always attached and don't get lost like binkies. 

This week I had terrible headaches most of the time, 

and was oh so tired. 

The bright side is food is finally sounding good again, 

 so I think I can live with the headaches. 

Maybe. 

The other night I made everything that sounded good for dinner. 

We had zucchini bread, a potato hash, sautéed squash, apple sauce and quinoa salad.

 It was the randomest of dinners but for the first times in weeks I ate until I was full. 

I'm not sure I'll ever eat potato hash again, but that night it was lovely. 

Daddy and Finn were just happy not to have to eat mac and cheese again.

We love you little baby. 

26 weeks until we get to meet you and kiss your little nose. 

Hugs and Kisses. 

Mama 

Week 14

                                                     Almost on my second trimester.

I swear I felt you move a few times this week. 

I'm starting to look a bit more pregnant, and

I'm hungry all the time. 

Finn talks about you constantly, 

but somehow manages to never bring you up

when other people are around. 

We told him you're our family secret and it seems he understands. 

Toast has never been more delicious.

...and if you are what you eat {or drink}, 

I just might have to name you raspberry lemonade.

It has a ring to it. 

If only I could convince your daddy. 

Hugs and kisses sweet one. 

Your first photo

Dear baby,

I knew it before, but now it's been proven. 

You're perfect in ever way imaginable 

and I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be your mama. 

My heart can hardly take it. 

Can hardly wait to kiss those sweet cheeks of yours

and breath in your baby smell. 

I love you to the moon and back. 

Hugs and Kisses. 

Mama

My peach

Dear baby,
I'm not going to lie, when Daddy and I first found out about you we were in a bit of a shock.
Truth be told, it wasn't anything we'd planned and we'd already started the adoption process to bring your brother Finn home a new sibling. Imagine our surprise when we realized he already had a sibling growing inside me! Check for four please.

It's been over two months since we found out about you and slowly it's starting to sink in. You're as big as a peach this week baby, and in case you hadn't heard, your birthday is supposed to be March 31. I'm all for waiting until the timing is right for you to appear, but let's not go the whole cool-kids-show-up-to-the-party weeks later route like your daddy did either, kay? We can save that for high school.

Yesterday we went to our first doctors appointment and got to see you.
Squishy, big cheeks, little you.
For the rest of the day Finn talked about seeing the baby on the TV and he points to your sonogram photo on the fridge. "Baby in the belly" he says and lifts up his shirt.
"No." we say "in mamas belly."
Sometimes I think he understands and sometimes I think he's utterly confused.
Either way he's adorable trying to understand you. 
Last night he ran up to me and held my barely there belly in between his hands and kissed you in a round about way. It was so tender and sweet.
"Kisses for the bebe" He said.

I so can't wait for you two to meet, little peach. He is going to adore you and you're going to love that big brother of your like no one else in the world.

Hugs and kisses sweets.

I love you to the moon and back.

Mama